if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
