Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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