She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
