I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
