Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
