Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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