i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
