Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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