Farmville is her only friend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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