I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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