I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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