Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Houston, we have a squirter
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
