My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
In America we eat man semen.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
