Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
