hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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