brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
