It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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