I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
