Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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