non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
