I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
