Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
