i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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