I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
