ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
