The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
