I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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