escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
