did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
