I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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