I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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