Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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