Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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