GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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