Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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