The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is my gift to your gina
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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