and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
