Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
