I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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