Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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