Screwed.edu
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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