You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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