I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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