this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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