I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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