I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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