Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
