she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
