Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
