i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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