How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
where are my eyebrows?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
