areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
